He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
