Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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