handjob tips. give me some.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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