I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
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