I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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