Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
