you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
