OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
