i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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