Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
