Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
