Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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