Already got asked if we're dating
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
