:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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