she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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