Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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