he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
