Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
