There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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