I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
