We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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