Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
