I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
