I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
