dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
