i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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