I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
