As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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