with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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