i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize