i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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