he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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