I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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