I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
