My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
