I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
