Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
