dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
