i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
