i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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