alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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