I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
