I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sober January is a disaster.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We need a shit load of segways right now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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