If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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