I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
