FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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