So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
