dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
