I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
