i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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