guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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