My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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