the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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