If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
