I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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