Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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