i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
