I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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