i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
