Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
