seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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