FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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