He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
