I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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