these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
