How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
