Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize