Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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