WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
