Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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