Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
