Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
