I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
