I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
