So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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