they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
