The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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