I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
