The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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