My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize