we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
