you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
how does that bad decision feel?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
