anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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