I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
