i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize