thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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