he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize