ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
