So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
